its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
