Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
