I just saw a hot homeless man
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
