nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
