I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
