pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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