I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
