the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
