Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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