I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
