So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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