Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
