Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
