Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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