Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
