"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
