took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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