I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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