So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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