so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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