I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
