The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
