He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
