he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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