He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
