Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i think im in europe. pls send help
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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