her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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