I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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