Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
