You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
