i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize