don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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