I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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