plz talk dirty to me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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