Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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