I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
