put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cannot find my penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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