i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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