Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
