I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
