Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
