walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
