hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
