Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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