I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
