barbara walters just said penis...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
