she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
