Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
