guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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