i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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