i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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