It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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