carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
