You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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