I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
