he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
