u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
