last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
