I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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