Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
