her vagine was all disorganized.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
