Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
