I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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