You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
