I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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