Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
