9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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