So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
