thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
