in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
