his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
