your room smells of hookers.
And success
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
