I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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