unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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