Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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