I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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