see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
