talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
