I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
